Why "White Willow"?

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December 30th - 31st, 2009 New Year’s Youth Trip

Winter was cold in Show Low, Arizona. It was unusual for me. I was raised in the valley where the days were scorching and the nights were warm. Up in the mountains, though, I could feel the moisture in the air stick and freeze to my face as I stepped out of the truck. My tennis shoes were just rubber soles and paper-thin fabric. They crunched down into a pile of snow and immediately became cold and wet, sending chills up my aching legs and into my chest. I shivered and a puff of hot mist flew out of my mouth.

I was in heaven.

The sky was dark, almost completely black. Only the faintest hues of purple and orange were left behind the forested mountainside. There wasn’t a lot of snow, mind you, but there was enough to be completely fascinating for me. In fact, it was so fascinating that I didn’t go into the cabin for almost ten minutes, which cost me a place to set up my bedroll by the fireplace.

We had a relatively short devotional that night. All twenty-two teenagers (myself included), four adult men, three adult women, and two pre-teens gathered in circle for prayer. We asked for protection, warmth, and joy; nothing out of the ordinary at first. The adult leading the prayer suddenly changed course towards the end and asked that we each have unique spiritual experiences and then closed the prayer.

The next day was New Year’s Eve Day. It was busy. We ate a hearty breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and sausage, prepared out of a food truck one of the youth leader’s drove. Then we broke into groups and went around the neighborhood (imagine suburbs where each house is at least a mile apart) doing service projects for people; chopping wood, feeding horses, and moving boxes from one place to another. It was exhausting and when lunch time rolled around, we returned to the food truck for sandwiches.

Something caught my eye as I chowed down on a not-so-classic peanut butter and ham sandwich (don’t judge. I apparently had no taste buds as a teenager).

A tall, frost-covered tree jetted out of the field behind the cabin. One of the adults had to tell me it was a weeping willow. When I finally had some time to myself, I went trudging through the snow to sit underneath it. It was so secretive and so comforting. From behind her low-hanging white leaves, I could see everyone bustling about around the cabin, but they couldn’t see me. I stared up into the branches. The sun was shining that day. Shafts of pale light cut through the strings of pearl-white. I could feel an incredible warmth in my chest. This place was special. This place felt sacred.

I decided to climb the tree, which proved to be quite the challenge. I only got up onto the first branch. Honestly, it was probably just the way the trunk was forking into different paths. I started to feel the warmth in my chest surge through my head. A cold, but gentle breeze made the branches sway. Chips and flakes of frost swirled around me and reflected the light coming through the branches, making them look like little stars. I had never seen anything so beautiful and I haven’t seen anything as beautiful since then. I decided this was my place, this was my sacred spot to have my spiritual experience we had prayed for.

I shut my eyes and leaned into the hard, cold wood. I took a deep breath and listened to my heartbeat in my ear. The wind had died and there was nothing in the silence by that and the distant sound of teenagers clamoring. I waited for something spiritual to happen, for a great epiphany to strike me, or a vision to swoop me up into the cosmos and give me the answer to some profound question I didn’t know yet.

Nothing happened.

I waited for what felt like 30 minutes before being called by the group. We were heading to a church building where the local youth were throwing a New Year’s party. I was disappointed. I felt like I had done something wrong, or that the universe was mocking me. I leapt down from the tree and made my way back across the field. I looked back one last time, hoping to see something. Instead, I saw only the solace of the tree staring back at me. That’s when it happened.

I was overwhelmed with a sense of serenity and peace. It was a beautiful willow, covered in white, standing alone in a snowy field, holding perfectly still in the growing quiet. Peace. My vision blurred and tears started trickling down my cheeks. Nothing else in the world seemed to matter. There were no problems, no fears, no worries, nothing but the quiet, the white willow, and me.

I have since used the White Willow as my symbol for peace and tranquility; both are aspects I cherish. I believe in spreading that peace wherever I go. I’m not always good at it. Sometimes I go through life wondering if peace is even something we can achieve. I think peace comes from love, from acceptance, from compassion, and from the connections we have to each other and to the cosmos. In solitude or in a crowd, peace can be found. The reason for this blog is to help bring awareness to and discuss concepts of peace, figure out how we can bring it into our lives, and how we can share it with others.

I thank you for joining me on this journey and I am so happy to get the chance to get to know you.

Thanks for reading and peace be with you.

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